One of the biggest challenges for MamaBear parents is ensuring their kids' confidence level is sturdy, powerful and impossible to destroy.
Alas, this requires a heck of a lot of long-term maintenance!
I was reminded of this yesterday, when HS2 allowed his inner coward to destroy his inner hero.
Of course, this happened during the rare moments when MamaBear was supposedly off-duty and enjoying a well-deserved rest.
Apparently, HS1 asked HS2 to keep a secret for him.
- It's a logical request, you know.
Thing is, though….
Upon hearing about the existence of this secret, HD1 called over HS2 and said,
"C'mon, you can tell me!"
HS2 thought:
"Wow, HD1 is older than me, I *have* to tell her! I'm going to tell her! I HAVE TO TELL HER!!"
Luckily, HS1 stopped that before the damage was done, and HD1 alerted me to the, ahem, discussion.
Which resulted in the following conversation.
"HS2, when someone entrusts you with a secret, and it's a secret that doesn't hurt anyone else, and you *agree*…. you have a moral responsibility to *keep* that secret.
It doesn't matter who asks, you do *not* have to be afraid of what someone will say if you choose to let your inner hero rule and *stand* by your word.
But in this case…it was your inner coward that took control. Your inner coward is weak and foolish and always takes the easy way out.
- Everyone has an inner coward.
- Everyone also has an inner hero!
You, however, are the only one who controls which aspect of you wins.
What would you have done differently?"
Which brings me to the point of this post.
Raising kids with self-confidence is one of the key foundations of the Mama Bear Parenting style.
But like everything else in life, it is fraught with challenges.
Here's three of the most damaging.
Fatal Belief #1 – "I have to tell secrets to get people to like me"
It's natural – kids want to be accepted by the pack. Thing is, if a child lacks self confidence, he will often be willing to sell out his friends if it makes other people like him more.
Cure this belief by: Turn the situation around and put your child in that particular place. Ask him how it makes him feel to see his friend betray him. Then show him that by standing his ground, he shows his strength to his so-called friends.
Fatal Belief #2 – "I don't deserve to believe in myself."
From childhood, we're often told how special we are or how valued we are.
Thing is, if we don't feel that way ourselves, those words go in one ear and scream out the other. 🙁
And if you don't believe in yourself, it's very difficult to stand tall with the self-confidence that your actions are right.
Cure this belief by: Don't just tell your children how wonderful they are…*show* them as well.
Take them by the hand and walk them over to things they've made, remind them of times when they helped out others, engage them in conversation that details beyond any shadow of a doubt that they *do* make a difference.
It's very difficult to argue with reality.
Fatal Belief #3 – "Nobody will care about my actions anyways."
When your child has zero self-confidence, it's easy to lull themselves into believing they can do anything because nobody really *cares* about them to begin with.
This is a very insidious belief and utterly defies reality (which makes it very difficult to deal with indeed!). Approaching this with logic often fails because logic generally shows the immense amount of love that's out there.
Cure this belief by: Always expressing 110% confidence in your kids (but be prepared – it takes a *long* time to fix this).
This is something you have to repeat again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again before it really takes.
But never lose the faith…eventually thru sheer repetition, it does seep into their minds.
I always tell HS2 and HS1 that I will always believe in them, even when their actions are more clueless than 17 sheep trying to grab take-out veggies at a lion's convention.
I never falter from that, even when I am suffused by an insane desire to rip out my hair and take long running jump off of an extremely short teeny tiny pier.
Because if I don't proactively show I believe in them….who else will?
The same thing thing is applicable to virtually any child out there.
Kids need to know they're believed in….it refreshes their self-confidence and helps it blossom forever after.
And that, of course, is a Very Good Thing indeed.
Parent powerfully,
— MamaBear
