Permissive Parenting.
The term makes MamaBear as comfortable as "slow-roasted agonizing death by massive nuclear meltdowns."
Honestly, I simply cannot understand how on earth any sane parent could even begin to embrace wishy-washy spineless gutless permissive parenting.
First off, let's explore the definition of this blight on society.
Permissive parenting is the indulgent, "no discipline" style of parenting that decrees, your child should learn as he or she wants; enforcing boundaries will simply damage their fragile egos and cause the fall of Western Civilization as we know it.
Okay, perhaps I did take a wee bit of liberty in that definition, but the point still remains.
"Permissive parenting" encourages parents to "reason" with their child and protect their feelings by ensuring they receive zero negative feedback.
Well….at least…that's the way MamaBear interprets it. 🙂
Here's some resources that give a better explanation:
- Permissive parenting: A parenting science guide to the research
- Permissive Parenting Overview
- What is Permissive Parenting?
Anywhos!
The problem with permissive parenting is that it's horribly *not* real life.
When you raise your child with few boundaries and unconditional love, you are ensuring said kid will expect *everyone* will treat them the same way.
Which, of course, is total BS.
The plain fact is, kids need boundaries.
- They need to know their place in your family.
You are the leader of the family, they are the followers.
- When they act out, you need to compel them back into line.
They lack the ability *not* to give into false weakness.
- When they want to give up without even trying, you must refuse to accept that and force the issue.
Heck, I was reminded of this during our Camp Ling 6:15am jogging.
While HD1 and HD2 did magnificently, HS1 decided that because he was "tired", he didn't have to put out the bare minimum of effort.
And then he earnestly explained to me,
"Mom, I hate to tell you, but you know, if I'm tired in the morning, I think I'll always perform at this level. Just so you're aware, okay?"
To which I responded,
"Of course I understand. And just so you're aware, if you choose to give into your tiredness and not make an effort, I'll be doubling the amount of laps you have to do. Just so you're aware, okay?"
A grand conversation ensued, in which I explained to HS1 that if he was in a life and death situation, he probably wouldn't say, "Jeepers! I'm tired, so I'll just sit this one out, okay?"
In other words…
HS1 could *choose* to say, "This is my responsibility and I will do the best I possibly can"….instead of giving up before even really trying.
And I smiled charmingly at him.
Point made.
To me, permissive parenting means you don't set high expectations for your children, and you allow them to give up whenever the going gets tough.
Honestly, that's a lousy way to approach life.
You, as the most important person in your child's life…owe it to your kids to throw out the disgustingly useless philosophy of "permissive parenting" and instead embrace the MamaBear way of raising fantastic kids.
They'll thank you for it when they're adults.
Parent powerfully,
— MamaBear
